We live in a world that teaches men to measure themselves by standards that are not God’s standards. The world says that a man is measured by how macho he is. Macho is defined by how many women a man can be with, what kind of car a man drives, how well he can party or any one or combination of a bunch of other empty endeavors that really don’t prove anything. At it’s core, macho really means that a man gets to do what he wants without commitment. It means that when the going gets tough that it’s time to get out or get away and whatever is left in the wake is not really of any concern to him.

Most Christian men would say that they are not anything like that which has been described as macho and I would agree. The problem is that while God calls us to not be like the world, just not being the world’s macho is not God’s standard. God’s standard is much higher and so often men settle for an ideal that leaves them thinking that they are doing fine, but their families are telling a different story. I get to talk to Christian men everyday who don’t understand why their marriage and/or family is suffering. Very often they are functioning from a perceived idea of what they think God wants them to be and it’s not working.

Most Christian men will use at least partially Ephesians 5 to gain insight into what they think they should be and their interpretation of that chapter usually impacts greatly their behavior. The problem is misinterpretation and misapplication of a chapter that says a lot. To me, the main theme is for men to be the leader of their family. The chapter says a lot more than that and its all important, but this is the crux of what God wants from men. The issue then becomes what does it mean to be a leader? I think that we have to look at Christ’s example for a standard. He was tough sometimes, He was compassionate always, He cried when he was sad, He pained over decisions often and ultimately He died for the salvation of all.

So, how do men follow Christ’s example? I think it all comes down to attitude. The attitudes that I see that Christ exuded most were sacrifice and not caring what people thought, but only caring solely about what God thought. Men are influenced more by the world that they live in than most would want to admit. While men may not be what the world describes as macho, the pertinent question is are they Christ like? The issue then becomes how is that done? It’s hard and wanting to be successful leads us back to paradox. We have to be loving and firm, a leader and a servant, ultimately Christ to our families. And that leads us back to the only way we have any chance to be successful at being Christ like. We have to get as close to God as we can so that He can navigate us through the vast amount of traps and distractions that the world uses as temptations to get us not to be what our families need and not what God wants us to be.