It’s funny, the last time that I posted anything was on the subject of God’s will and here I am again 5 months later posting on the same subject. Our God is such a God of order and He never waivers. Some people don’t like that because they believe that He needs to be considerate of what they are going through and the life situation that they are in. I know that sometimes I am one of those people, but I am so glad that He isn’t. Imagine a God that altered what He did according to the current trend or culture. I think that many people are worshipping that God today and then they wonder why they don’t have any peace or joy in their life. God calls us to be obedient and to serve Him and the gift we get from that allegiance is fellowship with Him and that leads to peace and joy. I know that it’s a journey and that I mess up far more often than I want to admit, but when I am truly striving to be with Him and fellowship with Him and I want to do what He wants me to do that I have peace and joy and while I still dream of worldly things I won’t do anything that will sacrifice that closeness with Him. Not having peace or joy hurts. Look around. I don’t know what you see, but I see a world that is so fixated on themselves that it’s all crumbling around us and many cannot see it.

I started out writing today with the intent of talking about God’s will and my personal journey and then when I opened the blog for the first time in months to do that and saw the last time that I was here and I became sidetracked. That’s what the first paragraph is about. It was definitely relevant, but not at all planned, at least by me. What I wanted to write about was where I have been. One night, about a year and a half ago, God woke me up because He wanted to talk to me. This happens sometimes when He needs to tell me something or I am working on a project and He has insight. That night, He clearly put on my heart that he wanted me to start a blog. I had been thinking for years that I wanted to write, but honestly I had not any idea how to make that happen. My thoughts had always been that I wanted to write a book. Rarely does a week go by that I don’t get an idea and think “that’s a great idea for a book”. Of course, as I said, I still have not any idea how to make that happen. Well, I woke up the next day and I went out on the internet and researched starting a blog and within a day I had it all set up. It all seemed so easy and I had that feeling that God was blessing this and I was in His will and all was going to be great. I posted a few articles, but as often happens I lost some steam.

The issue in my mind was that I was a busy person. I still am. I was and still am working 3 jobs and feeling that if I could just work one full time job and do well for myself I would be happy. I struggle with this issue. I love my primary job. I feel that I am exactly where God wants me to be and doing exactly what God wants me to do. I feel that I am serving him and doing His ministry. The problem is in my mind that I don’t make enough money. So, I work other jobs to “make ends meet”. That’s a funny phrase, isn’t it. I am not young and I worry about the future. Retirement or something worse. I have peace and joy and I know that they are the primary goals and God says that He has it all figured out and then here I am worried. I won’t dare do a thing without it being His will because I can handle my life right now, but not without Him and peace and joy. Oh, did I mention that I am tired and there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. So, I wrote a few articles and I expected that somehow this was going to be my new life, but then I realized that it was more work that I did not have time for and I reasoned with myself that someday God would lead me in this direction, but not now, not yet.

So, as you can see, I write once in a while when God puts it on my heart and I feel like it’s such a waste that I am not doing more. I know that our God is a God of order and that idea resonates with me because I like things the way that I like them and I want everything to be neat and tidy and to make sense all the time and I am uncomfortable with not knowing the entire picture. But, unfortunately for me, I don’t know everything and it’s all not neat and tidy, at least to me. So, I am writing today. I don’t know when I will again. I have become more comfortable with this idea and that I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. What I do know is that He is already there and that He loves me. I like to say that it is great to be used by Him and that is always the only thing that I want, but my humanness, the old man, is still in there. God’s will is that we crucify that guy a little more every day.